Wednesday, November 09, 2005
Give the gift of literacy this Christmas!
The Deacon's Unabridged Dictionary
Hey Y'all!
So here's all you need to know:
You been directed here because you don't have a clue what your humble Deacon's talkin' 'bout! Why don't you understand? Because you don't have the schema Jack! You can't understand the Deacon's rich ramblins without the correct lexicon.
So here's all you need to know:
Deacon Dr. Fresh: Absolutely the lurchest sumbitch wine-rapper to ever put electrons to screen! AKA "The Deacon" or occasionally "The Archdeacon" when he says something particularly lurch!
Cracker: Real bad. A mofo who don't know Jack about jank.
Mofo: A dumb-ass peckerwood cracker!
Peckerwood: Someone who lives in the bush with the woodpeckers. See "cracker".
Merlot: A wine imposter. "Merjank" would be a better name.
Jank bucket: Lower than low.
Monkey Water: Superfoul jank wine.
Saltine: See "cracker"
Boppin' in the Beater: What you're always wishin' you were doin' with that hot ho!
Jank-monkey: A bag-scratch pork-rind bastard-water crackerjank mofo.
Jack: What most sumbitch wine-writers don't know Jack about!
Rooster Juice: Exceptionally nasty Bag Scratch Wine
Thrustio: See "Boppin' in the Beater"
Thrustio: See "Boppin' in the Beater"
Bastard Water: Monkey water that's gone bad.
Clock Windin': Self handlin'
Skankosaurus: A babe your your Mom and sister will hate, but your Dad and brother will love, i.e., Angelina Jolie, Pamela Anderson, Paris Hilton.
Crackerdine: A peckerwater bastard-rind jank-bucket.
Clock Windin': Self handlin'
Skankosaurus: A babe your your Mom and sister will hate, but your Dad and brother will love, i.e., Angelina Jolie, Pamela Anderson, Paris Hilton.
Crackerdine: A peckerwater bastard-rind jank-bucket.
Lurch: Hot, cool, buff, talented, etc. Examples: Billy Munnelly, Stratus Wines, Zoltan Szabo, Led Zeppelin, Radiohead, AC/DC and of course The Deacon! Note that Lurch is the polar opposite of Jank.
Motherdine: Crackerpecker dogbreath swill
Motherdine: Crackerpecker dogbreath swill
Crackerwood: A peckerjank mofo.
Bagwash: Wine that's so jank it's only good for killing scrotal infections
Vumpio: See Thrustio
Bagwash: Wine that's so jank it's only good for killing scrotal infections
Vumpio: See Thrustio
Jank: Decrepit, stupid, boring, Evil, and cracker. The worst of all is crackerjank. Examples include: Merlot, Hitler, and Bono.
Hope this helps you decipher my brilliant meanderings...
Deacon Dr. Fresh
The Samuel Johnson of the Sommeliers
And for the record...I don't drink no mofo, crackerdine, jank-bucket, peckerwood wine.
And for the record...I don't drink no mofo, crackerdine, jank-bucket, peckerwood wine.
